IPR: Augustus Invictus Searches for Assistant on Facebook

From the Independent Political Report:

In search of a campaign assistant, Augustus Sol Invictus, a candidate for the Florida Libertarian Party’s 2016 nomination for U.S. Senate, posted the following to his Facebook page this past Monday:

I need a new assistant immediately. Requirements:
– Cannot be a friend of mine. Familiarity makes for horrible pace and work quality.
– Must be between the ages of 18 and 32. People who are older eventually let surface their repressed resentment at being told what to do by someone younger than them.
– Must be at least semi-attractive, whether male or female. You will be my personal representative, and people will judge me based on your appearance.
– Must be intelligent. This is a fast-paced job demanding independent thought and resourcefulness.
– Must live in Orlando. Long commutes always turn out poorly.
– Must take oaths of loyalty and secrecy. You will be my right hand, with all that implies.

The comment resulted in a plethora of applicants who posted their qualifications for the position on Invictus’s Facebook wall:

Augustus Invictus it is me Gem Jones, here is a pic of me wearing makeup. I am the best candidate for the assistant position. I think fast, I am cunning like a wolf. I have pagan tendencies and practice Sex Magick. I am articulate and willing to conform to your every desire at the drop of a hat. I will be your closest confidant and assure you of the utmost secrecy and discretion. We will have the intimacy and efficiency of cogs in a well-oiled machine. That you are a stranger (for now) ensures the unfamiliarity necessary for a swift pace and high quality work. You are a maverick and need someone reliable, radical and grounded in ritual. I can be all of this and more Augustus Invictus.

Read the rest of the “applications” as well as IPR comments here.

One response to “IPR: Augustus Invictus Searches for Assistant on Facebook

  1. Thane Eichenauer

    Five minutes from Augustus Sol Invictus.

    “Fireside Chat on the Cynicism of Cowards”

    Like

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